Reports indicate that the line to view the queen's coffin is almost five miles long; individuals have been warned that they may not bring camping tents or sleeping bags, or else be charged with vagrancy.
The autumn chilly nights, dehydration and general lack of IQ means that those in line to view the queen are going to yield their first embarrassing casualty at any moment.
"Imagine," said a pedestrian viewing the queue from the opposite pavement, "your legacy being 'died while waiting to view a corpse'. The shame.
"Every time the crowd breaks in a chorus of God Save the King, I figure someone might actually just die from a case of crippling, sudden self-awareness."
At press time, paramedics are moving up and down the queue of monarchists and waving their hands in front of vacant expressions to test for signs of life.