After it was reported that soldiers would start driving ambulances to make up the NHS shortfall, reports of PTSD began rising.
Further investigation found that more than ninety percent of the reported cases were originating approximately six miles east of the Glasgow city centre.
"The third world poverty, rampant crime and bricks thrown at ambulances is something I thought I'd left behind," replied Corporal Higgins, when asked for comment.
However, a Lieutenant Duggan reported feeling quite relieved: "In the three days I've been on the job in one of the city's most notorious areas, I've seen far more violence and sectarian conflict than I did in three months in Baghdad. It really gave me some perspective on what, was, previously, the worst experience of my life."