The Alba party failed to take a single seat in the 2021 Scottish Parliamentary Election
Following the former First Minister's complete failure to disrupt the SNP, Salmond is now reportedly considering radical different policies in an effort to be liked again by the Scottish electorate.
"He keeps doodling over drawings of saltires with a red crayon," reported an anonymous source close to the leader of the Alba party. "We thought he'd lost the plot when he hosted a tv show on Russia Today, but this is alternate timeline shit."
Political experts have pointed out that unionism is not so far from the realm of possibility, especially given Salmond was proven to be an obsequious monarchist in the past; in a reply to Prince Charles in 2015, Salmond signed off "I have the honour to be, Sir, Your Royal Highness’s most humble and obedient servant".