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  • Ian Marcus Wright

Queen Relieved to Hear Prince Andrew's Victims White

As the US Department of Justice prepares for the next stage of the investigation into Prince Andrew, sources in Buckingham Palace have reported a break in the tense atmosphere.

"It was awful at first," explained one footman. "She was shuffling around from room to room, muttering darkly. Then she saw pictures of the underage girls and you saw the storm clouds just dissipate."

"Oh, well that's just fine. I thought we had another Markle situation," the queen reportedly exclaimed.

At time of publishing, the palace has not yet responded to criticism about concerns regarding the quality of the gene pool coming from someone that married their cousin.

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