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  • Ian Marcus Wright

No.10 removes vodka from office fridge due to sanctions

"Due to the escalating conflict in the east, we are affirming our economic sanctions against Russia and therefore all vodka imports are to be removed from the premises," said a spokesman for Downing Street. "As such our work drinking menu shall be reduced to whiskey, bourbon, brandy, cognac (although the French are on thin ice, too), gin, rum and every shade of wine conceivable."

"Also, rumours that the vodka is instead being put into the back garden's non-work fridge are unfounded and a serious breach of our private lives, which begin when we step out of the office. And into the garden. Possibly for a vodka gimlet."

When it was pointed out that there are non-Russian vodka producers, the spokesman appeared incredulous. "What are we supposed to drink - fucking Glen's? I'll stick to paint thinner, thank you."

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