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  • Ian Marcus Wright

"I will make Scottish Labour relevant" says whoever is in charge now

The current leader of labour, like their four predecessors, has announced a rebirth of the party with all the same policies, soundbites and chances in hell.

Scottish Labour's leader, some guy, has announced plans to be a credible left wing alternative to the SNP, mostly by agreeing with the Conservatives on everything to do with Scotland.

The person in question, whoever they are, claimed a dynamic personality and firebrand attitude would sear the image of their face in the electorates mind for generations to come, or perhaps for three months at which point someone else unremarkable takes over.

When polled, ten percent of the electorate said they thought leader was still 'Jim Dugdale or Kezia Murphy' while the other ninety didn't know Scotland had a Labour party and mused if they were anything to do with those Red Tories they'd heard about.

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