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  • Ian Marcus Wright

Rangers FC bemoans lack of media coverage on hateful majority

Rangers football club released a statement condemning the attention given to the riots in Glasgow instead of focusing on the well-behaved fans who hate catholics in the quiet comfort of their own homes.

Following another day of violent lechery in Glasgow's city centre, Rangers FC have gone to great lengths to emphasise that the raucous display is undertaken by a minority of fans.

"The vast majority of our fans have celebrated our title win responsibly," said the club's spokesman, Bill Orangely. "My wife and I, for example, had a cup of tea and threw another SCIAF box on the fire."

The club released a guide to responsible celebration on their website, encouraging fans to:

  • Salute a picture of the queen

  • Dye their lawns blue

  • Paint their fists red (after doing the dishes, easy mistake the first time)

  • Don't think too much about Steven Gerrard's family background

Residents of Glasgow have also expressed their dismay with Celtic FC, who usually win the Scottish Premiership so early in the season that Rangers fans never gain the momentum to riot in triumph.

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