A man in the Pollokshaws area was found choked to death after trying to start the Chewin' the Fat catchphrase with his work colleagues for the ninth time that day.
"Weird thing is, it's fitting last words for how we went out," mused emergency services at the scene.
From the back of a police van the suspect was heard shouting, "Every time some cunt coughed, or sneezed, or fuckin' breathed, this shitebag would smirk and say that with his reedy wee voice. Well who's 'just gonnae no' now, Tam?"
At this point Police Scotland believe the murderer has a solid case for self defence, and is possibly in line for a medal for services against domestic terrorism.