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  • Ian Marcus Wright

'How about a bridge to Arran then' says a sulky Boris Johnson

Following the rejection of the prime minister's ambitious bridge to Ireland project, a petulant Johnson was seen with a pack of crayons and a map of the British Isles, forlornly drawing lines between land masses.

"Arran is only 16 miles away and no old WW2 mines between there and Ardrossan" argued the increasingly upset prime minister. "I bet we could do it for only £200 billion, which would save the country £125 billion plus ferry fees, when you think about it."

Given that COP 26 has just ended, it was pointed out to the prime minister that the £335 billion cost for the bridge to Northern Ireland could have put 10 solar panels on every house in Britain and still have £100 billion left over for infrastructure and the NHS, which won't be happening.

The prime minister then sneakily drew connecting red bridges from Milport and Cumbrae to make a colossal Union Jack before the Department of Transport confiscated the crayons.

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