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  • Ian Marcus Wright

Confused Scots start storing toilet paper in petrol containers before next lockdown

As the probability of an Omicron lockdown looms, Scots across the country have been getting ahead of the shortages that plagued the nation over the last two years.

However, there has been some confusion about what was caused by Covid, what was panic buying and even in some of the shortages were closely related.

"I'm no taking any chances," remarked Alex Lauriston, Bishopbriggs, as he stuffed toilet paper into his car's petrol intake. "In a week's time it willnae be me fucked over for lack of petrol or bogroll."

Last year saw a related surge in sales of viable alternatives such as bidets, although it should come with a warning that the devices attach to your toilet and are not for insertion.

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