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  • Ian Marcus Wright

Boris adds rule saying PMs can have sex with aliens

As one of several changes Johnson has made to the ministerial code, an alarmingly under-reported entry is to make fucking an extraterrestrial being a non-sackable offence.

“Unfortunately, these usually precede a story about someone they want to protect doing the exact thing the rule change addresses,” commented a historian.

Political experts are concerned by any of the three possibilities - Johnson has either fucked an alien and is changing the code to spare himself; Johnson is planning to fuck an alien and is tidying up the rules in advance; or somehow worst of all there are no aliens and he’s making provisions for an optimistic future.

The rule has some interesting specifics. It says that “a sitting Prime Minister may take an otherworldly creature in a manly fashion without infraction upon the ministerial code.“ Also, the Prime Minister has to be called Boris Johnson.

“Is this how I find out about my place in the cosmic eternity?” said man on the street, Gary Colmes. “We’ve found a kindred, intelligent consciousness out in the great oblivion and I know because Johnson’s possibly buggered an alien?”

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