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  • Ian Marcus Wright

BoJo considering a war with Belgium to stall partygate some more

Updated: May 9

Reports from No.10 indicate the Prime Minister is considering a quick war with Belgium to push Partygate out of the headlines again.

"Nothing like a foreign conflict to rally the rightwing. Not too far away, troops could leave in the morning and be home for dinner," said Johnson. "They speak Flemish. Flemish. Surprised no one has put them out of their misery already."

After studying the issue, geopolitical expert Joseph Hume has concluded that "Britain has a standing treaty with Belgium to attack any foreign invader, and there's no word on how that works when it's us. Looks like checkmate to me."

It has been alleged that the initial target was Germany until Johnson remembered his preferred escort of the month was called 'Greta' and didn't want her deported due to sanctions.

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